My last post was about how I asked my Owner to beat some common slave sense into me to get myself back on track. To help get me out of the dumps, stop wondering who I am and what I am doing. The whole orgasm denial thing did something terrible to my head.

After He took the wooden paddle to my ass while asking me questions about who I am and what my purpose is in life, with my ass on fire, he fucked me hard from behind so that I would feel the pain while He enjoyed the pleasure of using me. Yes, that was painful in the most cathartic sort of way. If that makes any sense.

I will say it was challenging trying to fall asleep that night. For one thing, He let His one arm around me and my one boob in His hand, twisting the nipple every time I started to fall asleep. So between the burning on my backside and His pulling my nipples, I didn’t sleep. Making the next day very difficult for me to focus.

I was reminded of the night before every time I sat down.

My owner would also text me throughout the day, asking if I was ok? Of course, this was for his amusement and my humiliation. I forgot to mention, per the rules, I left the house with a butt plug in, So when my Boss went to remove it, He noticed the welts. I had to tell Him what had happened.

The important thing was that I woke up in pain but was so happy to be in that pain. I really enjoyed waking up in His arms, serving Him coffee, and kneeling at His side while taking His morning stream. I was smiling as much as I wanted to cry. Smile from the happiness I found again and cry for the heat and pain on my ass.

There is no concern about my orgasm because, as His slave, I know I don’t deserve what I am not permitted to have. It seems so clear now. Even if I am allowed to have all the ones I want AFTER the man has His, I do not need them.

It’s not an effort to have. It’s not a mental struggle to hold back. I know I will be allowed when and if the man using me allows me to have one. I do not need to fight it or ask for it. I am there for His pleasure alone. Not mine. Thats what matters most.

The orgasm I had later in the day was a mighty one. I enjoyed it more because I knew I deserved it. I had it with His permission.

I know that’s the basis of being His slave, property. It’s like how I felt when we first met and I became His slave. Sowemnehwere along the way, I seemed to forget that and was just working off memory or emotions. Not feelings.

But after the beating,, I know it better and have settled it in my head permanently to remember that I am here for Him and His needs only. I am not there for mine. Mine don’t count. I like that..

I am at peace again. I am smiling and enjoying the comfort of it, and the service I provide seems a little more important and focused. I like how I feel again now.

So Yes, It Helped. Ask me again in 3 or 6 months, and I may have a different answer! Probably not. I can say that I am indeed back in my happy place!