I have so much that i want to say, that i want to write. But its the time thing again. By the time I return to the hotel and do my nightly routine, I am in bed, fast asleep from all the excitement, the drama and having a life without a Master to kneel down to and cry with. Not to mention the cold just sucks the energy out from you in the same way as the Vegas summer heat can do.

My brother has been a sweetheart like He always is. He was one of the first to welcome us to Chicago and He was the one who took my Owner and I back to the airport, then waited with me until Master-Sir’s flight was off the ground.

His wife/submissive is a kind lady I adore and always love to talk with. Now I get to spend some time alone with her in my old hometown and Master-Sir has given me the blessing to freely do “slave/sub/girl” things with her here.

Friends

I never had many real friends I could count on to be there for me. Friends are people who need you for a while then move on and out of your life. I also believe that certain people are brought into your life for a specific purpose and you need to find what that purpose is. Then they are gone once they have served what they needed to serve in your life.

My best girlfriend growing up committed suicide when she was 20. She was like me, a fat girl and the teasing was too much for her after high school. Of all the people I would want to talk with right now and be with, would be her. She would understand what I am going through.

The other “friends” I have here are mostly from my work in fashion retail management. It was fun to connect with them and make plans for a dinner or a shopping afternoon. Shopping is always great therapy!

The girls I knew when I went to Phoenix with them when i met my Owner, they have all moved on, moved away or just stopped talking with me once I found my happiness. I was happy in love and didn’t need their ever-changing dating drama anymore!

Family

I guess that’s what I here for. My family. My Father has made it clear that He needs someone in the family with an outside perspective on all this. That would be me! Oh, Goodie! Brother and sister are not really helping because they are getting the other family members trying to influence them. I get it.

However, I was not really up on all the extended family drama until yesterday when just about anyone that is blood-related came through my parent’s house. Now I am and I am not happy about it.

Moments of sanity. It has been nice to go out to dinner with those that I miss and care about the most. It really helped balance everything out. To hear about their lives. To see the kids of my few close friends and family all grown up now, trying to figure out what is next for them and their lives in this new world we are entering.

Life Measured

It is nice, in a sad way, to see that I am enjoying my life as a slave married to the most wonderful Master a slave could ever ask for. The fact that I took a chance, stepped out of my comfort zone one night, and ventured out to see the other side of life. Ending up meeting the man who would make all my dreams and a few more, come true.

I say that as I hear my friends tell me all their dating and divorce stories. They try to make it sound as if they were clueless as to why it happened to them. Why they were the victim (?) of a cheating or unresponsive spouse. or whatever the reason was they think it did not work out and that they needed to move on. So they continue doing what they did before. This time with a few more taller walls around their heart, hoping maybe to do better “next time” or maybe just stop it altogether.

My Purpose Here

I guess I need to get it out there in the open so I can talk about it, think about and get it out of my system. So why I am here in the cold tundra of the Chicago area. Why am I not home in the cold desert, serving at the feet of my Owner?

Simple. My Mother suffered a stroke while driving. She caused a chain reaction accident on the highway. Thankfully nobody was killed or seriously injured. She was the most injured of them all. When she came out of her coma, she knew nothing about why she was in the hospital hooked up to all those tubes and beeping monitors. She was also surrounded by people she said she never met before. Including her husband of 60 years. I cried when I was told about that.

My Father has always shared the rule of the house with her. He never really put His foot down and said “This is the law, so say I”. Now He is in the position of having to make serious decisions for her and for Him, without being able to discuss it with her. Making him clueless on what to really do.

Unfortunately, like it always seems to happen. He is surrounded by a wonderfully meaningful extended family that wants the best for them, as well as what they think is best for Him and for my Mother. They mean well, but they are family who all have an agenda that in the end benefits their needs, their emotions, and their feelings.

I’m not much of a person to answer the questions as I am the shoulder my Father wants to lean on and to cry on when we are alone. he needs that unattached, family support shoulder. The one to ask Him the questions on what they others are trying to say to Him and to get Him to do what They want him to do.

Thankfully Master-Sir will be here later next week and be here for a longer time. I need Him and thankfully my Father has admitted that He could use His help as well. Dad has even called my Owner several times to talk “Man to Man”. Something that He never really did before.

This is also when I need a firm grip on my leash and a tight collar. But I have neither. We talked about that in great detail and we both agreed, I needed to do this first part alone. If needed, there is a Master close at hand, ready to pull me back and get my headspace right if needed. I will need that so very soon!

Finally, I want to say Thank You all for the kind words, emails and your messages of support. That has helped me smile more!
It’s now all in the open and no more talking around the facts about why I am here. I am here. I am doing what I need to do and I am hanging in there!

Hope my story here did not put a damper on your weekend. Go out, have a great weekend and love the ones you are with!