To those of you who think being a full-time slave is all hot fucks, nights in heavy chains, leather, and of course, naked service, I have a little reminder that there is a dark side to this all. As well, I must also caution you that there will be many times, you will hit the proverbial wall really, really hard and have to push yourself through it. No matter how much pain it causes you, you will need to just push until you get through it and just suffer the pain in silence.

This was the life that I agreed to and I promised Him as well as myself that I would take the good with the bad. This is one of those bad times. I mean, really, really Bad times like I have never had to battle before.

Background

First off, this post was started before His girlfriend arrived. It has been a work in progress. She is now here and I actually found the time to add the final touches to it. There will be a follow-up. I hope it makes sense.

Next thing to know is that My Owner has a nasty habit of torturing me with sexual denial.  The reason for this post. He will fuck me in my pussy every night for a week, then declare “no more pussy fucks from Me” Other times, He will stop using all my holes except for His morning urinal.  Sometimes He will do this for weeks at a time. Other times He will use me for anal sex only and that’s it.  Ignoring my pussy and forbidding me to masturbate.

Usually, these times are when He has other holes He can use. Like when His girlfriend comes to visit. During these times, He may offer me to a few of His close friends letting them know He is not using me (verbal humiliation).  And they enjoy using me as a cumdump. Something I tend to enjoy because I know they are like me, doing it for Him.

The last time was a long stretch (3 months). When He would offer me to His friends, He would ask that they be rough with me. Telling them to live out their porn fantasy. Do to me what they cant do to their wives or girlfriends. Just, if they could, make it about them, not worry about me. Use Me. For the most part, I can say they tried their best to be rough. Be quick and use me simply as a depository for their cum. And in some ways I enjoyed that. I always enjoy being used for things that make my owner happy. They using me always makes my owner happy. so I was happy to be used like this.

As His slave, the one thing that keeps me in my happy place is being used for His pleasures alone and that means being shared is one of His pleasures. So it is my pleasure.  It can be a good thing beyond just making them and Him happy. Sometimes the men will actually be kind to me and allow me to have a little orgasm as well while being used for their own pleasures. 

I love sucking cock and Love sucking HIS cock. But when my Owner uses my pussy, there is an entirely different feeling between us. A different emotional bond between He, my man and me, His slave woman. It’s a unique experience that I always enjoy. Feeling His cock in my sloppy pussy just gives me an emotional high I can’t get from anyone else. And that high will feed me for hours if not days afterward.

This is where it gets difficult to explain. Please understand. I really do enjoy it when he shares me with His friends and when they use my holes. I enjoy being fucked in any manner they want to use me in. In any hole they are allowed to fill, I want them to fill it. I enjoy having them use my pussy or my ass for their sexual relief. I enjoy the humiliation of being commanded to spread my legs for them to fuck me, anytime without them needing to make me happy or satisfied.

As His slave, I enjoy being told that I was given to someone for them to use. To be told I have no say in how I will be used or for how long. Just That I am to obey, make them happy, and make my Owner happy or be punished. It makes Him happy so it makes me happy. Fast, slow, rough or gentle. being used is my sole purpose to my owner. Thankfully as I am aging, my sex drive is increasing. So this feeds into His use of me as much as it feeds my sexual needs to be used more.

The Pain and the Problem

However, during these times when He has purposely refused to use my pussy for His sexual pleasures, I get serious emotional pains. No matter how many times I am used by other men, I miss having Him in my pussy. I miss having His cock inside that sloppy hole that He likes to torture. Other men can fuck me all they want, I will happily serve as their cumdum and make them smile from my service, but its NOT HIM. and it hurts.

Trust me when I say that I get my sexual fix by being used and my “fix” likes it no matter who is in what hole. The more, the better. But when it’s not Him, I have a void in me that just doesn’t get filled and it hurts.

Since no other man using me, gets to be romantic with me (no kissing, etc..) , a few have tried and I cut that off quickly) I have “that” connection with my Owner.  There is this feeling of love and attachment when He mounts me. Especially in my pussy.  I want HIM there and when He is there, things just seem right.

I’m not sure if anyone reading this is getting it! You may start to think I need to be medicated or something. I love when I know that someone is fucking my sloppy old pussy and is using me for what I am there for, their sexual release. Pure and simple. At my age and with my body, I should be thankful that any man would still want to use my pussy when even their hand would be tighter and more enjoyable. From a quick cum dump to a long, hard fuck. I get off on knowing i am bring them pleasure using me there. But its not anything compared to when He is using that hole for His use, His pleasures or His torment of me. Its an almost unexplained emotional pain when its not Him fucking my pussy.

Now, in normal circumstances I can deal with the emotional crashes this denial brings me.  I can let the pain and the humiliation feed me.  I know that His torment of me and ignoring my holes like that will end someday day.  Maybe it’s like an emotional chastity belt? I’m not sure when I will be released from it, I just know that when it does, He will really have his way with me and I will finally get that emotional void filled again.

My Issue/problem

For the last three months, it has been just Him and I.  a few others would use me from time to time. But most of the time, He was the man using me for sex on a pretty regular basis. I mean seriously frequent basis. Some of the times He was really using my holes because His girlfriend was not physically available like she use to be. So I was filling in. She lives in San Diego and would frequently travel to Las Vegas often for work.so they had a great sex life.

When she is here, usually for 3 or 4 days max. I usually get nothing sexually from Him except the morning urinal and to be there to clean them both up after they had passionate sex.  I loved the humiliation and could accept the lack of Him not using me for sex.  The pain caused was part of the humiliation and it just fed me. I could deal with it and He enjoyed watching my pain.

Again, I am being offered out to His friends so that I may not be so much on edge and dealing with the emotional roller coaster that has suddenly grabbed my life. But it isn’t Him.

The problem is that after an almost three-month dry spell of serious denial, He started to really use me intimately and often. So I went from a long period of being ignored to an almost overnight change to rock star porn life! All my holes were being used and He just could not stop. He was also enjoying the humiliation of using me and telling me I was being used as a poor substitute for His girlfriend. it was unbelievable and I was enjoying it. Maybe enjoying it too much. because the crash was almost unbearable.

I was really enjoying being able to sleep in His bed and have Him use me for All His sexual urges and needs. Sometimes it was to replace her other times it was because He wanted to have sex with His loving slave.  It was like we were years ago living in Phoenix. No long term girlfriends, Just slave, Master and Her holes for Him to use and abuse everyday.

Two Weeks Plus

Knowing is worse than not knowing. i know that she wanted this trip to Las Vegas more for their relationship, then for work. Her job made her agree to “self-quarantine” while here for her job. So She and my Owner will be doing their respective jobs, working from the same house for two weeks.   I will be here to serve them in any way they need me to serve them while doing my normal “real world” job..

We are on day three and I am already wanting to climb the walls, hump His boots, fuck the doorknob,. whatever to feel Him in me.  Not to say anything bad about the other men He loaned me to. They were fun to serve and they used me well and I am thankful for that. but it’s not HIM! 

I guess during this lock down or quarantine, I have became a very spoiled slave and now i’m not sure how to not be a spoiled slave.  

My Question

The emotional roller coaster at this level is kind of a new thing and both my Owner and I believe it because of the lock-down and isolation.  we are working that out.

The main reason i wanted to tell you this long-winded story is to help explain a question that I have.

For those slaves following me here, who are shared.  Do you have a different level of emotional attachment or sexual energy when you know its Him using you versus when other men are using you for sex?

For others reading this, is there something like this in your relationship? if you have one that shares? If not, your thoughts would be appreciated.

For me, Having Him in me, mostly in my pussy, is like I feel loved and protected. its different levels of lust and desire. even if He is being rough and cruel, I love the feel of Him inside me.  It’s like a key to a lock. when others are “there” its me being of happy service to please them as well as to please my Master. Being used by others is like a quick little side trip t the candy store.  

Or am I just being weird and obsessed? or is it the quarantine that has made it more of an emotional wreck and paranoid slave in hiding?

As one slave in a group I belong to said that maybe I am floundering and have yet to admit it to my Owner out of pride. Trying to be His perfect slave and not show Him I am still a human with emotions. Maybe she is right

I hope this wasn’t too long, too many unnecessary details. But I like to make sure I cover the facts and I want to hear your thoughts