I received a thoughtful and kind comment on my last post. While the commenter’s points weren’t groundbreaking, I found them insightful and educational.

Rather than replying directly in the comments section, I decided to address them in a new post here.

And thank you to the commentator. I hope this makes sense.

“I have a friend who was in a relationship like this and she’s trying to leave because it was making her physically sick and he’s like my ex—a terrorist.”

I’m sorry to hear about the ex being that way. It is sad to say that a lot of abusers like to use this lifestyle as a way to camouflage their need to dominate and abuse others. We get accused of that a lot.

In reality, most people on that side of the slash prefer to be the dominant person in the relationship, not the person who dominates the relationship- two different people.

“I’ve never been in a dom / sub thing but I do love sex and I’ll say if you’re happy, then okay. No judgment. But I feel I’d feel dehumanized in this situation.”

I don’t judge, and I am very happy, thank you. I also appreciate you seeing it from both sides and understanding that what makes you tick is different from what makes me tick.

In my years of searching, I have found my share of abusers while still trying to define what being submissive means to me—realizing that surrendering to someone I love and trust is my ultimate high.

Forget the flowers and cards; they do nothing for me. Hearing him tell me “Good slave” will always get me smiling and gets me wet.

Now, going back to your terrorist comment. Yes, I live under rules and obligations like everyone else, just in a different manner. In my small world, if I fail my master, I expect to be punished. He should punish me how and when he sees fit. I earned it, I accepted it, I expected it. It harms the relationship if he feels sorry and fails to do what he agreed to do. (punish me when I fail him)

Now, there are times I can not fulfill my duties and obligation to my Master due to various circumstances outside my control. Your terrorist would not see that and abuse me. My Dominant sees that and will make accommodations for that.

As you will see in future journal entries, I recently had to sit down with my dominant to discuss some things that are not working in our relationship. We made the needed adjustments, as all good relationships do.

I’m pretty sure, from what I know about abusive relationships, that’s not really a thing people who want to dominate others typically agree to. It makes them feel less powerful.

Being dehumanized is a good word for how it may seem to be. As I have said before, I grew up with daily verbal and physical humiliation because of my weight and looks.

When I started dating, anything related to humiliation would end the relationship immediately. Then I met the Dom of my dreams, who took me down a road I had never been on—one built on mutual trust.

To let my brain check out and just do as I am told may be dehumanizing. But in the trusted hands of my Master, it meant He was about to take me on an emotional trip I probably will remember for weeks and months to come.

I will be used for sex that I love, I will be used in ways most men wished their wives or girlfriends would allow them to go. And I get to enjoy the ride knowing I am safe and loved. He would never do anything to harm me. Hurt me? Yes. Harm Me? No.

I have seen and known other vanilla relationships. I have watched their fights and their struggles to decide what to watch or what to order on the food menu. I don’t have that problem.

Sex? Yes, I love sex. The older I get, the more I want it. Anal sex is my favorite. Not many women will say that out loud. Master likes to use that (anal sex) as a tease, a reward for me.

The people he loans me to for anal sex, I get the best times from because they know how rare this is. They want it so bad but have to fight their partner for it and often lose.

So they treat me nice (usually) and enjoy using me that way almost as much as I enjoy being used that way. We both get what we want without any discussion or struggles.

“I don’t see much reciprocity at all—none, actually, and I also feel that if you said nah, I’m not interested today, it wouldn’t go well. I mean, I’m all about kink and fun, but I also don’t do anything on demand unless I’m available for it.”

If I may be honest, if you really look around your daily life, you may see just how tight other people’s leashes are on you. You have been in it for so long; it seems normal.

There is a lot of reciprocity in our relationship, but to the naked eye, you don’t see it. I could never be a Dom. It’s too much work and too many headaches. I am sure there are days he wishes we had a pure vanilla relationship.

Is it all fun and games, lollipops and sugar canes? No. But what relationship is? A good relationship is work; it’s hard. It has good days, and it has bad days.

But at the end of the day, I close my eyes, smiling.

“I apologize if I seem critical. I’m not. I’m just really trying to understand something new. Especially since the guy I’m talking to wants to do a dom / sub thing.”

Can I tell you a secret? What will work for you and him is not the same thing that works for me and my Master.

There are M/s relationships that are purely sexual. When they have achieved their goal of sex with bondage, it ends. They kiss and roll over to sleep or get dressed and return to their respective spouses.

I know several who are strictly service-oriented. She is his muse and his housekeeper/maid. She wears only what he tells her to wear, and at his house, it’s a French maid outfit with the nipples cut out for her nipple rings with weights on them,

I have a couple who are female Dom and male sub. They call it a “Female-led relationship.” Both are in powerful positions and making big bucks.

Seeing them at an event or in public, you would never tell he is wearing a cock cage with an electrical probe in it covered by a pair of pink lace panties. His behavior is always polite, and he always favors the women around him without looking submissive.

He serves her, opens the doors, gets drinks, washes the car, does laundry, and finishes responding to her emails. He licks her pussy on command. In the car, in the bathroom, at home, or in the park. That is their version of the M/s relationship.

She wants his attention or to remind him she is the boss; she hits a Bluetooth button, and that little probe in his cage zaps him back to attention.

At that point, I bet he had forgotten her real name! To him, she is always Mistress or Mam’.

“I am interested in new things but not if it’s this. No offense, this feels like the relationship I just escaped but with better sex.”

The one thing I always fear is that I always try to remind people that what you are reading here is based on a twenty-year relationship. It has changed dramatically over the years, and it keeps changing.

When I said I wanted to go down this rabbit hole called submission, I found a man who wanted to go down it with me. Explore what it looks like, what it can be, and what we want it to be.

If you look at an older relationship like mine, either of you goes: “That’s how it’s going to be from day one.” Yes, by all means, RUN the FUCK away.

You need to talk. Communicate openly and honestly. If most vanilla couples had the open and honest communication that I have with my Master(s), the divorce rate would drop considerably.

It was a wonderful comment that gave me a lot to think about. I hope you liked it. You can always let me know what you think in the comment section.

Thank you all for the comments, the love, and the support (subscribing)

Love,
Bitch Slave