In every relationship, a little rain must fall. So they say. Right now Las Vegas is in the middle of a week’s worth of rain.
Here at my Owner’s home, we are going down a rabbit hole unlike any other we have encountered. And it is testing our commitment to each other.
The other night, during one of my maintenance spanking’s, Master-Sir had my emotions going off in all directions as He asked me questions about our relationship.
He asked about the new rule where I am not allowed orgasms unless in front of him as well as others not cumming in my holes and I lost it. I got angry, upset and started to explain how it was not humiliations and I felt it certainly wasn’t obedience. To me, it was pure unwanted torture and abuse and not in any way that I liked it or enjoyed it.
In all the years He has owned me, I have been agreeable to anything He has asked me to do. I have never really objected to any of His rules or His commands. I may not like them ,but I obeyed because that’s what a good slave is supposed to do.
Master-Sir has earned my trust in Him and His commands. I know that no matter what He tells me to do, it will not to harm me. I can live with that. Even if I don’t like what He commands me to do, its made up by all the things He has me do that I really enjoy.
In the past, we have always talked about the issues that may have bothered me. But in this case, it was a new rule and with all that has been going on around us, we never had the time to just talk about it.
It’s also the one rule Ineeded time to understand. The men fuckl my pussy, but cum in my mouth. Or they stand in front of me and I watch as their cock twitches and send streams of cum everywhere but my mouth.
The main issue that I have is that I am there to please them. Make them enjoy using this fluffy old slave. And I enjoy feeling them shoot their reward on my holes and hear their sounds of pleasure as they unload in my holes. Sometimes its the grunts that I look forward to and the feeling that I have been of service to them.
If they do as He requests, they need to stop right as they are about to cum, change positions, then resume. That’s a lot of work for them and I think takes away the pleasure they have of using a cum-dump.
I have learned over the last couple of years, on how to temporarily mentally block my need for a orgasm when they are fucking me. I think I am pretty good at not needing one while I am being used. If I needed to, I used to be allowed to finger myself to one after I was alone. I’m ok with that.
We ended the maintenance spanking, He let me fall to the floor and into His arms, wrapped in a blanket. We didn’t talk for a couple of minutes until i was clear headed and explained my thoughts the best that I could.
I now prefer to focus more on their enjoyment, getting them to have more of a experience fucking one of my holes, them hearing me beg for more or telling them how wonderful it feels when they are using me as their cumdump.
Master-Sir did not like that I had previously told Him that withholding my orgasm, made me more submissive. And it does. But in this case, it has become more of me attempting to tolerate it. I have a feeling of being used in a way I didn’t like.
Yes, I am more submissive, I am more focused on fucking or sucking, but I feel an emotional void, an uneasy emptiness when they use my holes but not to the end.
I enjoy watching them end inside me, then get dressed and leave. I actually get a little emotional high when they dump inside me, smile at me and know they can leave without saying another word. No reciprocation, no nothing. Just use me and go about your day.
Under this new rule, it just breaks up the mental connection I/we have as they command me to open my holes to them. The way t is now, I don’t want to be used, I prefer to be used just as a domestic slave, not a sexual slave.
Its not easy to explain because I never had these feelings before. I have never felt like this, where I pray they don’t want to fuck me.
He knew I would suffer if they only used my holes but not cum in me. And it does drive me a little needy, a little crazy. It is painful. I just want a different way to feel the pain that He wants me to feel when I am being used.
Master-Sir wants me to go orgasm free for long periods of time. I get that. But I really want to feel them use me as much as they want without any restrictions. Its what I am here for, to be used and abused for their pleasures.
Is it worth ending or restricting our relationship over? The way I feel about it right now? Honestly? Yes. Its that much of a painful situation. I can’t deal with that void, the emptiness I am feeling. The loss of the mental, emotional connection I get when I am being used as their cumdump. Its too painful.
The rabbit hole was how I can feel the connection of being a faithful cumdump while I am also fulfilling His desire that I feel the pain and the humiliation in the way that we both have always enjoyed it.
I hope what I have said made sense. In my head, the feelings right now are painful, the need to be used and feel that I have pleased them/him overrides just about everything else in my world.
I am sure we will get through this and get back to a normal situation soon., I just needed ot get this off my chest and out there to understand it all.
Thank You,
Bitch Slave